Henri Matisse Still Life with Oranges

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He has employed you as a guide. You will be a guide, Rincewind, to this looker, this Twoflower. You will see that he returns home with a good report of our little Homeland. What do you say to that?"
"Er. Thank you, lord," said Rincewind miserably.
"There is another point, of course. It would be a tragedy should anything untoward happen to our little visitor. It would be "Yes, lord. I'll, er, see to it, I mean, I'll endeavour to see, I mean, well, I'll try to look after him and see he comes to no harm." And after that I'll get a job juggling snowballs through Hell, he added bitterly in the privacy of his own skull.
"Capital! I gather already that you and Twoflower are on the best dreadful if he were to die, for example. Dreadful for the whole of our land, because the Agatean Emperor looks after his own and could certainly extinguish us at a nod. A mere nod. And that would be dreadful for you, Rincewind, because in the weeks that remained before the Empire's huge mercenary fleet arrived certain of my servants would occupy themselves about your person in the hope that the avenging captains, on their arrival, might find their anger tempered by the sight of your still-living body. There are certain spells that can prevent the life departing from a body, be it never so abused, and- I see by your face that understanding dawns?""Yarrg.""I beg your pardon?"